Kindness Is Everything

We're all in this together. The least we can do is be nice.

When I prepared for my book release party last year, I thought about how I wanted to sign it, more than just my name. I decided to add the words, “Kindness is everything,” followed by a heart, at the bottom of the title page. In my book, the last poem, called “What I Know, Now,” ends with these two lines:

But the most important thing to know is this:
Be compassionate, love with grace.

I try to live by these words, and to keep them in mind when feeling critical or impatient or viewing reruns of past mistakes in my head. (Being kind to oneself is also a good habit to establish.)

Recently I spent a couple of days with my granddaughters, and the television show currently running nonstop in their house is “Victorious,” produced by Nickelodean in 2010. It’s like the classic show “Saved By the Bell,” with main characters portrayed as stereotypes of high school kids and their antics. Unfortunately, this includes kids that aren’t yet fully developed, gawky, nerdy, and awkward. The cool, attractive kids make fun of them constantly, it’s the running gag. I said to my granddaughters, “Yikes! These kids are so mean!” Name calling, visible revulsion, plots to embarrass someone with a laugh track continually at play.

How is that different than our world today? I hear people in leadership make fun of people, making up names they use over and over to get it to stick. Put downs, finger pointing, even making fun of someone’s looks. Like any one of us has a choice about our genetics. I’m not calling out any specific political group here; my favorite comedians do it as well. I don’t like that either.

A few years ago, author and journalist Sarah Smarsh gave a short speech about the negative effects of labeling. The talk was in answer to our political divide, and how we refer to each other. As a writer from a small town in rural Kansas, she mentioned the damage done using name calling like “white trash,” “red neck,” etc., words used to separate and hold people back by identifying them in unflattering terms.

It also shows up in our attitudes toward each other. A few weeks ago I went to a fall festival parade in a town near to where I live. Parking was a challenge, especially with people walking in the streets. I witnessed a car turn a corner, but traffic was stopped so they stuck out just a little bit. As a pickup maneuvered around it, the older man driving leaned way out the window to make sure everyone saw him angrily shake his middle finger at them. A tiny inconvenience made him visibly irate. I have to wonder, what in his life turned him into someone who would flip off a stranger in a crowd of families over a traffic jam?

The world today is harsh. I’m not going to list here what you already know. Instead I’ll offer one idea that’s not new or unique…that we make an effort to be kind to one another. It’s free! And so gratifying. Pay it forward, and backward. Give it away. Be gentle, be nice.

Yesterday, I did something NPR likes to report in their advertising, which is that I arrived home and sat in my car because of a story I was listening to on the radio. A woman told about a difficult childhood, and when she graduated high school at age 17, she was alone. The drama teacher at her high school was moving on to teach at a local junior college, and encouraged her to enroll. Her savings and job only covered one semester, but after she told the drama teacher that she had to stop school so she could work, he told her about a drama scholarship that paid all expenses and surprise!, she was the recipient. At the end of the school year, she went to the registrar to see if the scholarship was renewable, and well, you guessed it: There was no scholarship and her teacher was paying for her to attend college. The woman began to cry retelling her story, as did I listening in my driveway. This teacher paid for her to get a college degree, which changed her life.

Stories about kindness make me hope — believe — that humans can find a way to get along with each other. Kindness is something we can do right now, wherever we are, whether it’s people we know or complete strangers. Even a smile is a kindness. Simple words or small gestures can be kind.

Kindness is everything. Or can be, if we believe. (Thank you, Ted Lasso!)